I felt like writing about this hot and timeless topic. I should note that I am not a professional sexologist, just sharing my personal life observations. I think there are certain myths about sex that have taken root in our society, and I find it interesting to debunk them.
- The first myth is that men are naturally polygamous, while women are monogamous. It’s often claimed that men are always looking for multiple partners, while women are content with just one. This myth is mathematically disproven! It’s actually the same for both men and women, with a slight adjustment for the fact that there are slightly more women than men. But this difference is not significant enough to fundamentally change the situation. This myth is so strong that even men believe it. The truth is, women are much better at hiding and concealing their affairs because they are more concerned about their reputation in this area. Meanwhile, men are often inclined to exaggerate their conquests due to societal stereotypes surrounding reputation.
- The second myth is that men are only interested in sex, while women are always seeking love and serious long-term relationships. In reality, when their hormones are surging, men do primarily think about sex! I won’t deny that. But after sex happens, after a good multiple-release experience, if there’s nothing else connecting him to the woman, a man starts feeling that sex alone wasn’t enough. He feels this quite clearly. If he’s not a fool, he’ll remember this and draw conclusions for the future. Women, besides love and sex, have to think much more about the social aspects of sexual relationships: the possibility of pregnancy, the man’s status, the opinion of family, friends, acquaintances. But that’s a separate topic. In this case, it’s more important to note that women also have phases where they primarily think about sex without intending long-term relationships. But these hormonal fluctuations follow their own rhythm. And when it comes to love, I’m convinced that all people, regardless of gender and age, need it equally.
Another observation of mine, mostly about post-Soviet society, simply because I know it better than others: Despite the injustice women face in this society (there are indeed many instances of rights violations), women do have certain advantages. It’s much easier for women to embrace and express their sexuality because our society has a cult of female beauty and a cult of female sexuality. If a woman didn’t have a clearly traumatic experience in her childhood or youth, society generally supports her in expressing her sexuality. Of course, I’m not talking about regions where Islam is prevalent; that’s a separate topic. Men, on the other hand, often have to conform to the cult of strength and the cult of power. This often comes at the expense of developing sexuality, which gets suppressed. Overall, the concept of male sexuality and its expression is very blurred, unlike female sexuality, which can easily be imagined both as a static image and as a dynamic action. I’m specifically writing about heterosexual men, about whom I know more. I see how many men are simply embarrassed to express this energy in any way, and therefore do nothing in this area until they get drunk!
I think one of the main reasons for the inadequate reaction of many men to the Facebook flash mob «#IAmNotAfraidToSpeak,» where women shared real-life stories of rape, attempted rape, and severe forms of harassment, lies precisely in this suppressed sexuality. Most men in post-Soviet society don’t know how to approach women smoothly, court them, or gradually transition into relationships. In other cultures, like in Latin America, there have been rituals, special couple dances, and a culture of flirting developed hundreds of years ago for this purpose.
Of course, these traditions have transformed over time; in the 21st century, it’s not the same as it was in the 19th century. But something traditional still remains. In our society, these traditions, like many others, were destroyed and forgotten. And suddenly, our men, who somehow managed to adapt to transitioning into closer relationships while drunk, find out that thousands of women are complaining about harassment by men. Without understanding the essence of the issue, they protest. They’re afraid they’ll be stripped of one of life’s main pleasures. They immediately recall all the horror stories about how in Europe or America, you can be sued for a wrong look or an unfortunate joke. Most of the time, these fears are greatly exaggerated. In general, many were not ready to empathize and share the pain of others because they themselves carry a lot of psychological pain and fears. We shouldn’t judge people personally for this, of course, except in particularly egregious cases. We need to better understand the environment in which these people live, as well as the environment in which they grew up. I grew up in the Soviet Union and post-Soviet society myself, and I see the imprint of this environment within me. So I call on people of both genders for mutual compassion and understanding.
Countries and peoples where sexual energies are suppressed are much more prone to conflict. It’s better to use this energy for joy, creativity, life’s pleasures, and sometimes for the continuation of life itself!
